Feeling lonely and in need of love, Brian finds Carolyn, presumably the girl of his dreams. Brian thinks she's just great and in an attempt to not lose her, Brian listens to Stewie's advice to take it slow. Carolyn hating this, is pushed to another man, Cleveland. Brian does anything in an attempt to win her back, even going as far as bring back Cleveland's ex-wife, Loretta.
The family is driven nuts due to Peter's obsession over the classic tune "Surfin' Bird" by the Trashmen. When Stewie and Brian are pushed to the limit, they make the record disappear and buy out ever disk in town. At an attempt to find a store with the record in stock, he is welcomed to a store run by a familiar face. When Peter realizes that the cashier is none other than Jesus, he convinces him to let the world know his secret. Jesus understands that he's not ready to be on Earth after he betrays Peter, lets fame get to his head, and is put under arrest.
When Mort accidentally steps on a time portal in Stewie's room, he is teleported to 1939 Poland. In order not to change the course of history and save Mort, Brian and Stewie go on an adventure to save him.
Peter accuses Chris of allegedly harassing him during work hours so his boss gives Peter a year's gas card. Now that the family can afford to travel, they decide on driving to the Grand Canyon. After all sorts of confusion, the family forgets Stewie.
The guys decide to make their own tribute Jackass and perform all sorts of dangerous stunts. When Peter pushes the limit and risks his life, he relies on Brian to save his nearly drowning body from the lake. When Brian's back lets out and Joe is forced to save the both of them, Peter realizes how old Brian has gotten and brings home a new dog, "New Brian."
Peter is sent back to the third grade to fulfill qualifications for his new promotion while Peter, Brian, and Frank Sinatra Jr. attempt to open the new coolest club in Quahog.
Bonnie finally gives birth to a baby girl, Susie, which Stewie falls in love with at first sight. Joe takes a loan to pay for Bonnie's medical bills which he can't afford to pay back. The guys decide to rob Peter's father in law, Carter Pewterschmidt.
Desperate to pay off the family's dept, Peter gives in to medical testing. He is injected with a "gay gene" which pushes him to become homosexual. Peter eventually decides to leave Lois and the family looks for a cure.
Peter submits a winning raffle ticket from 1989 which wins him a game of golf with O.J Simpson. Peter trusts the formerly accused murderer while the town frowns upon their friendship and want Simpson to leave town for good.
Lois nails an interview as a reporter for Fox News. She is left to make a hard choice of staying true to her beliefs or go along with the "biased" minds of Fox news.
Stewie gets upset when he doesn't get a chance to ask questions at a Star Trek Convention. He builds a transporter device that allows him to spend the day with the cast. Meg gets the mumps when she is pushed into someone else with the disease.
Brian is arrested for the possession of marijuana and he launches a campaign to change the law. The town turns to pot when Mayor Adam West passes the law.
Stewie is embarrassed after he gets his "butt-kicked" by Joe's infant daughter. Peter turns to Steroids for help and Stewie lets his new strength get to his head. Chris becomes popular when the most popular girl at school agrees to go out on a date with him.
An upset and unaccomplished Brian tries to find a new "woman" when he finds out his ex-girlfriend, Gillian, is getting married. After a great hangover, Brian hooks up with The Hill's star, Lauren Conrad. The more Brian gets to know her, the more he understands that she isn't at all like the character she plays on TV.
Peter imagines three tales based on three famous works of Stephan King. Parodies include "Stand by Me", "Misery", and "The Shawshank Redemption."
During a Palm Reading, Peter learns of his past life in the 17th Century England. He learns of Griffin Patterson who contested for the love Lady Redbush during King Stewart's reign.