Quotes (Season 4)

Here are some Family Guy quotes for Season 4.

[edit] A Miracle

God: Here, let me light that for you, babe.
(God lights the girl's cigarette using a lightning bolt from his finger)
Girl: Hey, thanks!
God: Yep, magic fingers! ((i>laughing</i>)
(God accidentally hits her with another lightning bolt and she disappears)
God: Jesus Christ!
Jesus: What?
God: Get the Escalade, -- we're outta here!

[edit] All Day

Chris Griffin: I don't want to get rid of my pimple. I like him. He's my friend. His name is Doug.
Brian Griffin: I just wish I didn't have to look at it.
Chris: Well, we have to look at your anus all day!
Stewie Griffin: Thank you!

[edit] Britney Spears

Peter Griffin: Wow! Lois, look at you! You look like Britney Spears -- except not a fat guy.

[edit] Cancelled

Peter Griffin: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois Griffin: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
Peter Griffin: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just got to accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like: Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg The Bunny....
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well I suppose if all those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.

[edit] Cleveland's Hair

Stewie Griffin: (Talking to Cleveland)>/i> Can I touch your hair? I'm goning to do it. I'm going to touch it. Ooh, it's like a sheep.

[edit] Coverup

<i>(Stewie is pretending nothing has happened even though he is hiding a dead body)

Officer: Everything alright here?
Stewie Griffin: Oh fine officer, just enjoying the sunset. No law against that, is there?
Officer: What happened to your shirt?
Stewie: Oh you know, just a pizza party at the office.
Officer: Oh yeah, where do you work?
Stewie: First Fidelity Insurance over on Wayne Bossert Street.
Officer: Oh my cousin Arnie works over there.
Stewie: Oh Arnie's your cousin is he?
Officerr: "You know him?"
Stewie: Oh somewhat, good middle management type. Just sort of blends in with the furniture, though, never really wowed anyone at the office.
Officer: Yeah, that's always been Arnie's problem. -- Well, take it easy.
Stewie: Yes yes, you too. Oh and if you see Arnie, tell him, "boogity boogity boo." He'll know what it means.

[edit] Disgusting

Stewie Griffin: You know what else is gross?

(He farts and second later his eye turns red.)

Stewie: AHHH, I broke a damn blood vessel!

[edit] Hookers

Lois Griffin: Peter, theres a hooker on the bed!
Hooker: Hi.
Peter Griffin: Stand perfectly still Lois. Their vision is based on movement.

(Lois and Peter stand perfectly still)

Hooker: Where'd you go?

[edit] Jeremy

Stewie Griffin: Oh damn! Jeremy is still in the trunk! How long has it been, erm two weeks? Yeah, he's dead. -- Definitely dead.

[edit] Lassie

Brian Griffin: Hey do you hear that?
Peter Griffin: What?
Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming!
Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say?
Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming.
Peter: Trouble at the old mill?
Brian: What, are you insane?
Peter: Somebody fall through the ice?
Brian: It's summer.
Peter: Bobcat?
Brian: <i>(Barks)

Peter: Loretta's in trouble! Come on boy!

[edit] Never Go to School Again

Meg Griffin: I can never go to school again!
Stewie Griffin: Oh, yes, Meg, yes, yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, this is the thing that will ruin your reputation. Not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that way you clear your sinuses. No, no, no, it's this. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

[edit] Pretend

(Joe is about to fall down the sewer and Lois is hanging on to Joe for dear life)
Lois Griffin: I can't hold on much longer!
Joe Swanson: Lois, pretend I'm one of your children!
(Joe starts to fall)
Joe: Not Meg, not Meg!

(Lois pulls Joe up)

[edit] That Hole

Lois Griffin: Well, the only upside is that it has given me time to think about why I ended up in here. I guess I was stealing because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life, like, like, there was a secret hole in me...
Glen Quagmire: Oh god!
Lois:...and I was tryin' to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects and things...
Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois: And I felt wonderful with all those things filling that hole.
Quagmire: Oh god!
Lois: I did this to myself, so im just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Quagmire: That one is also sexual. (Walks away)

[edit] The Big Race

Peter Griffin: So, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow huh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?
Peter: No, no! I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.

[edit] The Black Ball

Glen Cleveland: I must say...I do feel a strange satisfation watching the black ball topple all those self-righteous white pins.
Joe Swanson: Can't blame them for being self-righteous. The black ball is in their neighborhood uninvited.
Cleveland: The black ball has done nothing wrong.
Joe: If the black ball is innocent it has nothing to fear.

[edit] The Novel

Stewie Griffin: How you ah, how you coming on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, ah, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for three years? -- Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yeah, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative, beginning, middle and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? --- No, no, you deserve some time off.

[edit] Torched

Meg Griffin: Finally! Look Mom I've had it. I'm not babysitting anymore. It's a Saturday night, I could be out having a life.
Lois Griffin: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me!
Peter Griffin: Oh, Meg! She torched your ass man! Torched your ass!

[edit] Tread on the Tires

Stewie Griffin: (To a prostitute) So, is there any tread left on the tires or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

[edit] Ugly Meg

Meg Griffin: Mom, dad, am I ugly?
Lois Griffin: Oh of course not sweetie!
Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Craig Hoffman said that? Well, he's a sharp kid, you might be ugly.

[edit] Very Bad News

Peter Griffin: I'm afraid I have some very bad news. Your wife is going to be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life.
Unknown Man: Oh my God!
Peter: (chuckling) No, no no. I'm just kidding. She's dead.

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Last edited by on 18 July 2015 at 08:10
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