Lois starts calling Peter other names in bed so Peter thinks they should take second honeymoon in order to spice up the marriage. However on the way there, Peter crashes the car and they end up staying at a bad motel. After that, Peter poses as Mel Gibson so he can get into his high class hotel suite. While at the hotel, Peter and Lois find a secret screening room with Passion of The Chris 2: Crucify This.
Peter and Lois don't want this horrible movie to hit theatres so they attempt to destroy the film. Mel Gibson kidnaps Lois and will only return her if Peter turns over the film. Peter comes back to get Lois and hands Mel Gibson (who Lois has been warming up to) phony film and they run away. They stop at the edge of Mount Rushmore and Mel Gibson falls off. Peter saves Lois from falling and then they make love. This time Lois says Peter's name.
Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian watch over the house and take the parenting position when Chris is caught drinking in the boy's bathroom. Stewie and Brian later find out that Tom Tucker's son is the one who brought the beer to school.
Chris's teacher wins the lottery and is replaced Brian. Brian is moved to another class that is full with students with low expectations. Brian teaches them to aim just a bit higher.
Brian is replaced by a flamboyant and sexy new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart. Mrs. Lockhart warms up to Chris and says she will be his. All he has to do is kill her husband. Chris decides that he can't do it, so Mrs. Lockhart lets a bear into the house, who kills her husband.
Stewie and Lois find a note in Chris's shorts while doing laundry that is the detailed instructions on killing her husband. Not knowing that Chris didn't do the deed, Stewie and Lois set out to confront him.
Lois tries to boost Meg's self-esteem by giving her a makeover. After the makeover, Meg looks completely different and people start to notice her.
In the meantime, Peter tries to start a band with Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland. Their first gig is at the prison and they don't do too well so Meg and the rest of the Griffins replace them. They become superstars, but Meg is the leading lady due to her new look.
The family is the guest performance on Saturday Night Live and Jimmy Fallon convinces Meg to have sex with him. She doesn't realize that Jimmy Fallon used her for the open sketch and she lost her virginity on national television. After this, Meg decides that maybe the makeover wasn't such a good idea.
In a quest that have done something to be proud of (seeing that Quagmire won a key to the city, Cleveland used to be a famous auctioneer and Joe won a lot of medals for policing) Peter tries to set the record for most nickels swallowed. In the end, Peter ends up getting nickel poisoning and he becomes blind.
Peter finds out that Loretta is having an affair with Quagmire and tells Cleveland that he should confront Loretta about it. Loretta leaves Cleveland and Peter tries to help Cleveland become a bit more exciting in hopes that Loretta will take him back. He encourages Cleveland to get revenge on Quagmire. Cleveland starts attacking Quagmire and then realizes he just doesn't have it in him to hurt someone like that. In the end, Loretta still doesn't get back together with Cleveland.
Lois goes on a huge shoplifting spree and can't stop herself. With the help of Joe Swanson, Lois lands herself in jail. Without her, The Griffin household falls apart. Peter and the kids visit Lois and they help her escape from prison. The whole family are fugitives now, and they go and live in Asia Town. Chris gets a job as a wagon carrier and Peter becomes a sumo wrestler. Joe sees him on TV and hunts them. There is a huge chase in the sewers and Lois saves Joe from falling. Using his influence as a cop, Joe gets Lois out of her long sentence.
Peter always loses many different games so Lois switches his Trivia Pursuit questions with the kids version and Peter ends up winning. He can't stop bragging about winning so Brian tells him to take a test that will tell him if he is a genius or not. Peter takes the test and is declared legally retarded.
Peter learns to use this condition to his advantage after he hits Tom Tucker with his car. Peter does things like walk into the ladies' room. Peter learns his lesson when he accidentally throws hot grease all over Lois and burns her and social services takes away his kids.
Lois brings the kids back in the end and Peter stops abusing his condition.
Peter tries to help Cleveland meet another women by getting him to audition for the television show The Bachelorette. Instead, Brian gets casted. Even though he hates the show, he enjoys the free vacation and drinks. Brian starts to fall in love with the bachelorette, Brooke.
Meanwhile, Chris gets a pimple who talks to him and convinces him to do many bad things to the neighbors.
One night, while Meg is babysitting, Peter runs to the drugstore and doesn't have any money so he takes out a tab. He doesn't realize that he still has to pay for the tab and runs up a huge debt. Peter knows that Goldman's son Neil has a crush on Meg so he offers to sell her to him instead of paying the tab. Meg is jealous when Neil starts going out with a popular girl in school but she still objects. Peter goes through with it anyway. To get out of it, Lois seduces Neil so he breaks the contract and Meg is set free.
Meanwhile, Stewie loves his new babysitter, Liddane. When he finds out that she has a boyfriend, Stewie kidnaps him and locks him in the trunk of a car. Once he realizes that Liddane doesn't want to be with him, she makes it look Liddane partied and Lois fires her.
The Griffins go and visit Lois's parents and we learn that Lois abandoned her modeling career after high school because her father wouldn't let her. To feel more independent from him and Peter Lois becomes a model again. She goes a bit too far by taking pills to keep herself in shape and going to parties. Peter gets the help of Lois's father to help get Lois back on track. Lois abandons modeling because she realizes she did it just because she wanted to fulfill her dream and Peter wasn't okay with it.
Meanwhile, Brian has a worm problem and can't afford the medication. Stewie helps Brian by giving him a job at his new sales company.
Brian's new girlfriend is a teacher at James Woods Memorial High. He convinces her to try and get the school renamed to a Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial High, since he is a more important figure than James Woods. Peter is strongly against this. He enlists the help of James Woods himself to ensure that the school keeps the same name. James Woods and Peter become very good friends. They spend all their time together and James Woods begins to have a love affair with Peter. Brian's girlfriend realizes Brian's love for Peter and gives him a choice between her or Peter.
Peter wants to improve his fishing business, so he enlists the help of Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland to come and help him fish at a secret fishing spot. After a horrible hurricane, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe get stuck on a deserted island. All they have is themselves.
After they escape the island and make it back home, Peter finds out that Lois has gone on with her life and married Brian. Lois and Peter have an affair and Brian finds out about it. He decides that letting things get back to the way they were are for the best. Lois ensures Brian that she will always love him.
Chris joins the Peace Corps and relocates to a remote island so he can avoid going to high school. Peter finally gets a job at The Pawtucket Brewery and he likes it a bit to much. Meanwhile, Will Ferrel is punished by Stewie for taking part in the remake of the sitcom Bewitched.
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