There is an incident at The Emmy Awards and now television is cracking down on racy things on television. Peter objects to this, so he starts his own television station that airs uncensored and obscene television shows. Lois complains to the FCC and the station is shut down. After Peter tells the FCC that they can't change the way people are, they being to regulate what the people of Quahog are allowed to do and what they can't do. Their farts are censored, and so are their swear words. They can't even have sexual intercourse. Lois realizes that Peter is right and together they go and complain to Congress.
At the 80s Television Show Convention Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire dress up as the A-Team. Brian writes an article about it for the local newspaper and discovered by The New Yorker. They love Brian and hire him. After they learn that Brian never finished college, they kick him out. Stewie leaves a Gary Coleman replacement at home and goes with Brian to college to help him finish one more class. Brian learns that Stewie is smarter than him and can help him to do his homework. Brian does not study for his exam and fails it. He expects the family to be proud of his honesty but they all admit that he should have cheated.
Stewie's kindergarden teacher is very worried about Stewie's behavior. Peter agrees with Lois that he should spend more time with Stewie. After discovering that Stewie enjoys seeing him be violent toward Lois, Peter takes every chance he gets to do something to hurt her. Lois goes along with it until she ends up getting pushed into the lake while inside her car. Lois punishes Stewie and Peter goes along with her. Stewie thinks that Peter has turned on him. Peter tries to make it up to Stewie by taking him to Disney World.
Meanwhile, Chris has to do various chores for his old neighbor Herbert after he accidentally broke his window with a baseball.
Lois finds a picture of her family that includes a brother she never knew she had. She realizes that her brother is in a mental institution. Her brother, Patrick tells Lois that he was put in the asylum after seeing his mother having an affair with Jackie Gleason. It scarred him very badly. Lois decides to take Patrick home. Little does she know that Patrick hates every fat person who reminds him of Jackie Gleason.
In the meantime, Peter Griffin, who is a lot like Jackie Gleason starts his crusade against people that hate fat people. He starts a club just for fat people. People in his club start dying every minute. After Lois finally realizes that The Fat Guy Strangler has to be Patrick, she has to stop her brother before he gets to Peter.
For the second time, we see Peter's father, Francis Griffin. He thinks it is time for Stewie to be baptized but the preist refuses to baptize Stewie because he believes the water is bad. Francis ignores the preist and baptizes Stewie himself. Stewie becomes very sick and is put inside a bubble so his environment will always be safe after the doctor reveals he has suffered from exposure to tainted holy water.
Peter rethinks his faith and starts The First United Church of the Fonz. Although it shares many Catholic beleifs, it does not use The Bible, but various Happy Days episodes. There is a huge turnout for Peter's new religion. Francis and Brian work together to destroy Peter's congregation. Lois tells him that his religion was worth it if he got something from it.
Peter runs over Brian while backing out of the driveway. After the near death experience, Brian begins to evaluate his life. Brian meets Frank Sinatra Jr. who tells him to live each day to the fullest. Brian vows to do so and fulfills the promise with getting drunk every night while he is performing with the famous "Member of the Board." One night Brian gets so drunk that he forgets Stewie at the bar and attacks Peter. Brian realizes what he is doing to himself and comes back to his senses.
Meg's lab partner Sarah invites Meg to her club meeting. Meg is very excited at the possibility of making a new friend. Unfortunately, she finds out the club is really for lesbians. Meg fears that she will lose her new found friend and pretends to become a lesbian. She does this by cutting her hair short and looking at girls in magazines with Sarah. Eventually, Lois convinces her to tell her friend the truth.
Peter goes to his high school reuinon and gets drunk after people realize that he isn't an important person. When Peter has to throw up, he tackles his way through a crowd and attracts The New England Patriots quaterback Tom Brady's eye. Tom Brady ask him to be apart of the Patriots. Peter's new life goes to his head though and he is kicked off the team. He is transported to a very bad team in London called The Silly Nannines. Peter makes The Silly Nannies challenge The New England Patriots. When the game is about to start, The Silly Nannies run away leaving Peter to play alone against The New England Patriots. They tackle Peter and Tom Brady has a new found respect for him.
Meanwhile, Brian borrows fifty bucks from Stewie. When Briain can't pay him the money back, Stewie violenty beats him up on multiple occassions. To make up for it, Stewie tells Brian he can have a free revenge shot. Brian leaves Stewie waiting until the very end of the episode where he pushes Stewie in front of a bus.
Peter wins a free maid service for one week after wining Wheel of Fortune. When Peters maid Joan arrives he makes her do funny thing like pull items out of his belly button and riding on her back to the store. After Peter introduces Joan to Quagmire and Peters other friends, alone outside Quagmire announces that he is in love with Joan. Quagmire, being the fast worker that he is asks Joan out. After several dates Quagmire proposes to Joan.
After living with Joan Quagmire turns from a sex crazed bachelor to a loving husband. Peter and his friends feel like they need to get the old Quagmire back. They do humorous things to try to convert him such as faking Quagmires death, to showing him dirty magazines.
After a pregnancy scare Lois makes peter get a vasectomy. Before his surgery he decides to donate sperm. A lesbian couple, wanting a baby uses Peters sperm to have a child of their own. The lesbians gave birth to peters son and named him Bertram, Stewies half brother who was shown in the episode "Emission Impossible." Shortly after Peters vasectomy he loses his sex drive and Lois gets frustrated and starts excessively eating and becomes obese.
Meanwhile Stewie and Bertram fight over playground turf to become the playground rulers. The pair have humorous fights which involve helicopters and aeroplanes, sword fights, and biological warfare.
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